Dealing with Intrusive Thoughts as a New Mom
4 minutes
An unexpected charm of being a mom that you might not have heard about from your goto mom influencer is unwanted and disturbing thoughts that pop up without warning. This phenomenon is known as intrusive thoughts, and they are common, especially for new mothers. But they can also be very upsetting and usually kept private because of confusion and feelings of guilt or shame.
Intrusive thoughts often include things such as harming yourself, or your baby or imagining something bad happening to them. Even if you are aware that they are common and not reflective of your parenting, they are still frustrating, unpleasant and can increase anxiety.
If you are reading about this for the first time, let me start by saying that despite the lack of discussion surrounding intrusive thoughts among new moms, you are not alone, and they are not a sign that you are going “crazy.” These distressing thoughts are not an indication of your true intentions or feelings, but rather a result of the many changes and challenges that come postpartum.
What Causes Intrusive Thoughts?
Intrusive thoughts are usually triggered by a combination of factors that are cornerstones of being a new mom. Stress, anxiety, and ambivalence about every decision being made emphasize our deepest fears and worries. They are more likely to occur when we are tired, overwhelmed, emotionally vulnerable, or recovering from birth or a birth trauma.
For new moms, many factors can contribute to intrusive thoughts, such as:
Hormonal changes: After giving birth, your hormones fluctuate significantly, which can affect your mood, emotions, and brain chemistry. This can make you more sensitive and prone to negative thoughts, especially if you are nursing.
Sleep deprivation: Lack of sleep can impair your cognitive function, memory, and judgment, making it harder to control your thoughts and emotions. It can also lower your mood and increase your ability to cope with anxiety.
Life changes: Becoming a mother is a major life transition requiring you to quickly adjust to new roles, responsibilities, routines, and relationships. All these changes can create self-doubt, insecurity, and uncertainty leaving you more depleted and defenseless.
Control: Being a new mom means having total control and responsibility over another human being. You have the power to do anything to them or with them as well as to neglect them, and they have no recourse. This kind of control and responsibility can be scary and can create fertile ground for intrusive thoughts to emerge.
Mental health history: If you have a history of anxiety, depression, or other mental health issues, you may be more vulnerable to intrusive thoughts. You may also have more difficulty coping with them, as they may remind you of past traumas or fears.
How to Cope with Intrusive Thoughts
Intrusive thoughts, while not inherently dangerous, can significantly disrupt your daily life and your connection with your baby, causing distress and anxiety. Therefore, learning to cope with them is important in order to reduce their impact. Here are some strategies that can help:
Reframe your thoughts: Rather than judging or succumbing to intrusive thoughts, reframe them as reminders from your brain to stay vigilant for potential dangers to your baby. You can then ease your mind by thanking your brain for remaining proactive and reminding you to stay alert and focused on your baby's well-being.
Challenge your thoughts: Question whether the intrusive thoughts align with reality and whether you have control over preventing the feared scenarios. For example, if you're bathing your child and thoughts of drowning surface, remind yourself of your presence and attentiveness, thus dismissing the unlikely event.
Acknowledge your distress: Recognize feelings of distress as indicators of your love and concern for your baby, validating your maternal instincts.
Prioritize rest: Fatigue can weaken your defenses and increase susceptibility to intrusive thoughts. If you notice a surge in intrusive thoughts, consider it being your body’s way of saying “Hey it’s time to rest so that you can stay alert to your baby’s needs.”
Practice mindfulness: Slow down your mind by engaging in mindfulness techniques. For instance, if thoughts of throwing or dropping your baby arise while walking down stairs move your focus to each step, feeling the connection of your feet with the ground.
Seek support: Connect with other mothers who can empathize with your experiences and offer validation and support. Additionally, consider professional assistance from therapists, counselors, or doctors who can provide you with more guidance and treatment options.
Identify triggers: Recognize patterns or circumstances that trigger intrusive thoughts, such as specific times, locations, emotions, or physical sensations. Once identified, develop strategies to cope with or avoid these triggers. For example, if intrusive thoughts intensify at night, engage in activities such as listening to an engaging podcast while washing bottles. Or you could just go to bed!
When to Professional Help?
Intrusive thoughts do not indicate psychosis or a likelihood of harming yourself or your baby, provided you don't act on them or give them credence. However, heightened frequency, intensity, or persistence of intrusive thoughts alongside some of these other symptoms should be taken seriously:
Extreme sadness, hopelessness, or guilt
Loss of interest or pleasure in things you used to enjoy
Difficulty bonding with your baby or feeling detached from them
Lingering thoughts or taking action that may compromise the safety of yourself or your baby
Feeling out of touch with reality or hallucinating or delusions
Having panic attacks or severe anxiety
Having trouble functioning in your daily life or taking care of yourself or your baby
These more serious symptoms may be indicative of a postpartum mood disorder, such as postpartum depression, postpartum anxiety, or postpartum psychosis. These are serious and treatable conditions that require immediate attention.
Learn more about postpartum therapy here.
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