Can Your Attachment Style Change?

Here’s a summary of this article I contributed to. Read the full article on VeryWellMInd.

Understanding Attachment Styles:

• Attachment styles influence how we relate to others, particularly in romantic relationships.

• There are four main attachment styles:

  • Secure: Comfortable with intimacy and independence.

  • Anxious (Preoccupied): Fear of rejection, often perceived as “clingy.”

  • Avoidant (Dismissive): Emotionally distant to protect against abandonment.

  • Disorganized (Fearful-Avoidant): A mix of anxious and avoidant behaviors, leading to a push-pull dynamic in relationships.

Can Attachment Styles Change?

• Yes, attachment styles can change over time due to life experiences, relationships, and intentional self-work.

• Secure attachment can become insecure due to trauma, loss, or unhealthy relationships.

• Insecure attachment can shift to “earned secure attachment” with conscious effort, self-awareness, and support.

What Influences Attachment Style Change?

• Relationships: Safe, consistent relationships can foster secure attachment.

• Self-awareness: Recognizing patterns from past experiences is key to change.

• Skill-building: Learning communication, emotional regulation, and boundary-setting.

• Trauma: Negative experiences can shift attachment, but healing is possible.

How to Move Toward Secure Attachment:

• Therapy provides insight, a model for healthy boundaries, and emotional safety.

• Surrounding yourself with securely attached individuals can help reshape your patterns.

• Practicing self-care, achieving personal goals, and improving self-esteem can increase security in relationships.

Challenges in Changing Attachment Styles:

• Insecurity may feel familiar and difficult to let go of.

• We may unconsciously choose relationships that reinforce old patterns.

• Major life stressors can trigger past attachment wounds, even after years of secure attachment.

Final Takeaway:

• Attachment styles aren’t set in stone—they can change with effort, self-awareness, and healthy relationships.

• The journey to secure attachment takes time, but it’s possible to build healthier, more fulfilling connections.